Dangerous Thinking

I've been toying around lately with the idea of joining the military. I know. Me. Who always said, "Oh, hellll no." I believed I wouldn't be able to deal with all the prick drill sergeants who just want to scream at you and make you feel like a puddle of puke all day long. Except, when I really think about it logically, they aren't doing it just because they like making people feel that way. They're motivators. The thing they care about most is making you the best soldier you can be. Because they're in it for a career. They have a vested interest in recruits becoming badasses. They don't care if you hate them. In fact, if your hating them makes you work harder, then they love the fact that you hate them. Thinking logically, I can understand where they're coming from. And knowing this, I can definitely put up with someone screaming at me. So yeah, thinking about the Army. Special Forces, Green Berets. Because, if I'm going to do it, then I'm going to do it right. I know, Green Berets don't fuck around. In fact, its one of the most rigorous training regimens on earth. But that's exactly why its where I want to be. Here's a quote I found recently that hits home on the subject: "It must be remembered that one man is much the same as another... and that he is superior who is trained in the severest of schools." So if I'm out there with my ass on the line, you'd better be superman.

I've done some research in the past few days, and even qualifying for Green Beret training is not easy. Not by any means. But its definitely within reach. It'll take a lot of preparation to even have the chance. But I can do it. I know I can. The question is, do I really want to? Is this really something I want to do, or is it some weird quarter life crisis thing? Do I feel like I haven't done enough with my life and I have to make up for it? Maybe. Have I taken advantage of the opportunities my country offers without giving anything in return? Absolutely. Do I feel guilty for it? Sure, a little. But its not just these things. This is the first time in a very very long time that I have been excited about the prospect of a career. I think I would be really, really good at it. Its right down my alley. It sounds like a great opportunity.. that is, except for the part where there's a distinct possibility that I could get killed. Then again, statistically I have a higher probability of dying each time I get into a car.

Am I ready to leave everything I know behind to pursue a course of action such as this? I don't know. Am I able to put my friends and family through the worry that the next time they turn on the news they'll see a picture of me on the screen with the headline, "Military training exercise goes wrong"? Because they'll probably never really know what would have happened to me. If I were killed, it would probably be in some Afghan cave with twenty-five Al-Qaeda bastards suicide bombing my ass. I don't know...

But, to be honest, I can't stop thinking about it. Finally I figure out that there's a job out there that really interests me, and I can't decide if I can even seriously think about trying to achieve it.

Life's funny that way, I guess.


On the beat box: The Used - The Taste of Ink