Starbucks Applications

Starbucks. Great when you get what you order. Extremely fucking frustrating when you don't. Imagine this scene:

I walk into a Starbucks one gloriously snowy morning looking for a tasty cup of wake-the-fuck-up. Now, I'm not extremely picky when it comes to coffee. Sure, I like it a certain way, but I try not to confuse the idiot baristas with a "132 degree-fat free-soy-something-or-other" order. What I ordered was pretty damned simple. I used to serve Starbucks coffee products, so I have first-hand knowledge of just how simple it was. "Grande vanilla latte. Multigrain bagel with cream cheese." The cashier gives me a bag with my food order. I pay. I stand by the bar to await my coffee order. "Grande vanilla latte," says the barista. "That's me, thanks." Now, I like to let my coffee cool off a little before I indulge. So, as it were, I was a couple of miles down the road when I sipped. Not one iota of vanilla flavoring. In fact, I don't even think there was much milk. Mostly espresso. Like, chemical burn your throat espresso. Dammit. I get back to the office, and I'm looking forward to digging into my bagel to help salvage my drink fiasco. I reach my hand into the biblical paper bag, and what do I pull out? A multigrain roll. A ROLL, people. A small, very bread-y ROLL. And look, how nice, they included the cream cheese. Someone give me a rope, I'm going to go hang myself.

I'm wondering if there's a yes/no check-box on the Starbucks application that reads, "Are you at least partially mentally handicapped?"

If you don't check "yes" then you don't get hired.


On the beat box: Roots Manuva - Witness (1 Hope)